I wanted more

You would think gardening for over a decade would make me better at this. This waiting…This staring at good dirt and thinking what is going on in there….looks like nothing. As a gardener I know stuff is happening..seeds are cracking the dirt is being pushed away and roots sprouting. But today when the first two Compassion International packets arrived…I got a “meh” reaction.
I was amazed at how much info they give you about these kids. You feel like you could hold a conversation with them and ask them about their day. But to everyone else…”meh”.
I yell into the backyard…”hey two packets came… which two of you picked these kids?” Curious little heads of every shade pop out of hiding places…a barn door opens and one comes running, “is it food time? Did momma call us?” I adjust the baby on my hip who seems to be the only one interested in the two biographical books. A blonde squirrely boy pops out of the tall green field grass…
“Hey!” I yell,”You are not even supposed to be in the field you know what happened to your brother with the tic bite!… ” My oldest three come towards me and the one who made me a mother plucks the booklets out of my hand and away from the determined baby.
He is so tan, my oldest son…more tan then the picture on the booklet he holds, “Oh this isn’t the one I picked…I think Dad picked this one for the baby,” He hands it to her like she should have it and the baby eagerly wins her prize gumming the folded corner. She frowns and furrows her brow when I look at her…I look back at the other book. “This ones yours I think,” and he hands it to my oldest daughter, her ponytail fuzzy from hiding in the pine tree. She thumbs through it, “neat. I picked her because we have the same birthday,” she hands it back as her sister from Guatemala strains to see the booklet. They both turn and run…”You’re still It go count..everyone hide again”. Annoyed I want to yell..so I do what a parent does and lash out about something I feel intitled to yell about…”Listen you all better not go into the tall grass…you know what happened to you little brother. Now hide somewhere else!”
Turn on my heel and swing the baby like she is in a teacup ride, she doesn’t even loosen her grip on the booklet.
“There better be some growth” I say to the baby as I plunk her in the high chair and the books on the counter.
I scrunch my face in a pout to match the baby… she pushes a Chex around, thinking better then to screech at me.
T.