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Grateful Forgiveness

August 15, 2011

I sip my tea and see her sitting there on the other end of this throne room. She sits high up and too far for my lens to capture her. Her talons clutched around a branch yet she sits relaxed and serene. Both of us gathered to see what is fresh and ready this morning.
I am envious of her morning.

My morning starts with a small baby heel to the stomach… but that’s okay and really just a variation of normal.

*Thank you God for a healthy baby who wakes rested after a full nights sleep!

*Thank you God for tea ready to drink…always tea.

The printer jams with twenty worksheets … but thank you they are all just accordianed inside and still all useable…phew.

*Thank you God for a printer, still useable and mess averted.

Straightening the worksheets, a sea of presidents faces staring back at me smugly, my husband takes my hand…,”umm we have a problem…it’s my fault….” The man of my dreams leads me to our freezer where he left the door ajar
He bags up all the spoilage and mess…he’s good like that…and as I continue to press the papers flat I call in, “don’t throw out the placentas.”
“Of course not…did you know you have two in here?”
Well that’s funny and I laugh, “Did you ever in a million years think one morning that would be the sentences we share? ‘Don’t throw out the placentas?”?”.

*Thank you God it wasn’t the freezer with all the meat.
*Thank you God…because things are funny and placentas are really funny.

Worksheets smoothed and cut into neat books…I open the door of the cabinet for the stapler to bind these wild sheets together….pens and pencils waterfall out…

*Thank you God for kids growing tall…tall enough to reach into my cabinet? (sigh)

Then the man who loves me forever takes me into the office and we sit….and we read…(big breath in)…and email regarding the forgiveness. Two years in the making…no words till we offer forgiveness….now what?
What do we do now after days, since we sent the email out?
Forgiveness has no expiration date…
But the silence of days feels a bit… expired?
Not one word good or bad?
Feels like a chess move.
She says she has always, “tried my best”…but if your “best” is insulting my child and wedging me against my vow…then what is your worst?
My pride swells angry and protective and I shush it into a corner like a red faced tear stained child. I cup my hands around prides tear soaked cheeks and quiet it down, no room for it here.
How do I ignore the days which have gone and the words left unsaid?
How do I not rail against future insults and baracade the door…
but forgiveness is what it is and it doesn’t expire.

*Thank you God….(start again)…Thank you God…..(the words catch , pride still too noisy and nearby)….

I look at my husband and smile and speak the good words, “Well there you have it…good news.”

Tea in hand I sit outside. She stretches her wing to the right and cranes her neck. So high up she sees more of the view then me. Her morning was much like it is now. Both of us searching the throne room for something to feed us and prepare us for our day. Perhaps her morning was smoother because she got here first.

*Thank you God....

6 Comments leave one →
  1. August 15, 2011 10:25 am

    Forgiveness has no expiration date…so true…so painfully true. Grace to you as you journey down the path….
    Blessings to your day~

  2. August 15, 2011 9:52 pm

    I love how you write your gratitude post. Going through the day, ordinary things, gratitude in each moment. What a wonderful and beautiful thing! Forgiveness is what it is and it doesn’t expire. That is such a powerful sentence. Thank you so much for sharing!

    • August 16, 2011 10:35 am

      It’s even more powerful to keep in the front of your mind…which normally means you have to devote a ton of your day to forgiving…lol

  3. August 16, 2011 7:15 am

    Your thankfulness rubbed off on me this morning. Your ways of noticing the little BIG things did too. Thanks.
    Sounds like you’ve already made the biggest step in forgiveness, being willing. Cheers to embracing all that’s available!

    • August 16, 2011 10:39 am

      Funny thing about embracing forgiveness…. In grabbing hold of the forgiveness you must let go of the other ….and well….the other thing has been held for err…. Awhile… But well whatever…out with the old and on with the new right?

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