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where i almost cry.

November 12, 2011

My eyes just burst with tears and I blink it all back.
It’s silly.
I am being so silly.
There are people starving.
There are people who need shelter.
and my eyes without my permission just start to fill up and there isn’t anything I can do to prevent it.
I had no idea I would see it… no idea it would feel like a giant rubber band and snapped deep within me.
I tried to tell my husband this story twice.. but the words .. they choked right in the middle of my throat.. and I knew he would have to read it here…with you (Hi, honey).

I think back to a story a friend told me… how during the sad days… the blue days that creep up while you hold your week old baby… she craved it… she craved art, more then food. The only thing she could squeeze into her day was crayons…so she would color shapes… just to see it created. I listened to her story and nodded. I knew that feeling where you need to create more then eat… more then you understand.

I know that feeling where you go about your day… and you are really just trying to get to it… the paint, the pencils, the gardening and landscaping the wood and scroll saw… I know that need. When you will be appeased if all you can do is see paint pushed or dragged across paper.

I can remember the day my aunt sat me down with water paints.. I thought her work was amazing. I still have it hidden away in my box of paints… and then she would take me to lessons…I couldn’t understand what the teacher wanted me to do, I was only five or six and my life was a dark scary place….. but it didn’t matter…. I was forever indebted to my aunt for letting me move paint on paper. I had sipped the water where my paints had rested….it was so pretty…maybe that is when it happened… when I needed art.

So I should have known I would react in such a silly way… with tears. I mean, they didn’t come out of my eyes.. but that is only because I am very good at blinking it all away.
And even now as I think about my reaction my eyes are filling up and again I feel ….just.. silly and I blink harder.

It’s silly right? When people need food and clean water…. and me in my life where I can sit around and paint with my children, all well fed.
Where I can sit and just play with paint… my greatest concern is to worry I will have to wait for UPS to bring more… I mean, it may take a day…or even two.
and people are starving.

But I clicked on this page and scrolled down. I clicked on the Compassion International Christmas Catalog… it gives you all these ways you can just do a one time contribution… and right there on the second to last line … I mean I can’t even look at it….
you can buy someone art supplies.
Please go to it and look… see what moves you. Then blog about it. I would love to read about what you felt compelled to do… and you can inspire others… and if we all inspire each other to use the gifts and to promote gifts in others… can you imagine how He appreciates that… all of us together wanting more for His people.
If you blog about it.. please come back and leave a comment.. or just comment to encourage others. I would love to visit you and encourage you. Linking up with other artists at my friend Jenn’s blog StudioJRU ~T





31 Comments leave one →
  1. November 12, 2011 6:43 pm

    Your photos and art are so colorful and full of meaning. I hadn’t heard of that site and with the holidays coming it is perfect!

  2. November 12, 2011 8:17 pm

    I just filled up two shoe boxes for Operation Christmas Child (Samaritan’s Purse) and noticed I made sure there were art supplies…simple art supplies, but useful for creating, no matter in what circumstance the child that receives is in…I loved your post! Thank you so much for sharing!

    • November 12, 2011 8:19 pm

      I don’t know why that says “d” instead of “Cindy”! Oh well…it is me, Cindy from 12Tribes…

      • November 13, 2011 8:23 am

        Cindy , I love that… And i just think it’s great to see you over here giving ideas like that.
        What a good charity.

  3. November 12, 2011 9:20 pm

    Oh T… your sweet beautiful heart touches me! I have been looking through the compassion site recently too. Hoping to be able to sponsor a child. Seeing their faces and knowing their needs… my heart can hardly stand it. I did not realize you could contribute like this. And art supplies! Oh how wonderful that is. Thank you so much for sharing that!! 🙂

  4. November 12, 2011 9:20 pm

    Opps… forgot to say how adorable the owls are! Love them!

    • November 13, 2011 8:25 am

      Oh thanks… My sister wanted something crisp and owl-ly…so there ya go.
      With a nod to her family and the movie Labyrinth to boot. I think they will look good in a coral frame.
      Thanks for the compliment .

  5. November 12, 2011 11:25 pm

    Oh such a cute painting, love the owl n the heart!

    • November 13, 2011 7:20 am

      oh wow. never even noticed the heart shaped faces of the owls. how fitting.

    • November 13, 2011 8:26 am

      Well they are barn owls so it sort of goes with the territory.
      Thank you for the compliment.

  6. November 13, 2011 7:22 am

    also…you sipped the watercolor water? is that like when I used to suck on my wash cloth in the bath tub…?

    either way clearly you have a heart for art, orphans, and the Holy SPirit is moving you to tears to do something…open an art school in a foreign country…I will go with you , because staring at my owls everyday would not be enough….

    • November 13, 2011 8:31 am

      Lol…. Of sissybutt…you sucking on your washcloth as a kid is nothing like this… I grew up to like painting… You still hate baths….err…but how do you feel about washcloths?
      Oh definitely…let’s go.. You teach dance and songs… And we will all just Waldorf paint the days away…

      • Dr. Dre permalink
        November 13, 2011 10:58 am

        i’m in. love you and this post.

      • November 14, 2011 5:06 pm

        Girl I love you too!
        of course you would comment on a post where I am all choked up.

  7. November 13, 2011 8:00 pm

    I love what Compassion is doing – my husband and I want to contribute to their mission but are still talking about exactly how. Thanks for the push. Thanks for stopping by my blog, I’m happy to have found yours. 🙂

    • November 14, 2011 5:07 pm

      Oh I hope I can encourage you in that area.. even if it’s just through the Christmas Catalog program they have.. it makes a huge difference.

  8. November 13, 2011 10:39 pm

    Love the Barn Owl. Adorable. . . several of us painted owls this time. Blessings, Janet PPF

    • November 14, 2011 5:07 pm

      lol… oh well normally i don’t paint owls.. it was my sisters doing.. she wanted them.

  9. November 14, 2011 12:36 am

    This was a beautifully written and heartfelt post. We are so very fortunate. I am glad there are organizations live Compassion International that give us a chance to help.

    Such a cute owl! I am loving owls these days. 🙂 Thank you for visiting my blog. It means so much to me! (Our blog names are so similar!)

  10. November 14, 2011 2:53 am

    we are sharing with a home for abandoned babies in South Africa…I praise God for His love shed abroad in our hearts… all our hearts… blessings to you

    The Love of Christ Ministries

    • November 14, 2011 5:08 pm

      Oh yes.. I checked that site out …
      you are doing a great thing!
      A thousand high fives!

  11. November 14, 2011 8:59 am

    The gift of art is truly like sharing the gift of hope. AGREED!

  12. November 14, 2011 4:59 pm

    I’ve often gifted art boxes for the children in my life. Children have a need for creating rooted inside. What a thrill to be able to see a Compassion child have this experience. Thank you for letting me know about this.

    • November 14, 2011 5:09 pm

      I really hope we can spread the word… so be sure to blog about it and get the word out!

  13. November 16, 2011 1:15 pm

    There are so many ways we can contribute to God’s Kingdom. Art is certainly one way. Thank you for sharing this inspirational post.

  14. November 21, 2011 12:15 pm

    Thank you for this wonderfully inspiring post!

    Happy PPF!!
    Mixed-Media Map Art

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