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I know Pilgrims…or how Adoption May Flower.

November 23, 2011

Those Pilgrims traveled to a new land. They left the old and came to the new.
Ready to adopt this new place.
We know the elementary school stories and the handprint turkey.
Everything all painted in bright thick paints of brown, red, orange and yellows.
Plenty of provision… foods..friends in the natives…everyone so happy, well behaved  and unified….in their new home.

*(Oh how I want to yell, “BS!” but since it’s Thanksgiving)*

That’s what they tell us. The more you learn the more you study you will see it was not happy…it took time and hard work..and the natives…they were not happy…everyone was an unhappy mess. I will save you the gory details.
But they pushed on… because what else could they do… They chose this.. their very being wanted it.

I have never forged a new land… but I have pilgrims living in my house.
They came from far away to live in a home already inhabited by others.
It wasn’t easy.. but it never was impossible.
They came with baggage that I didn’t …and still don’t ,always understand.

There was a time I found one of them packing her little bag to go home. I found her mad and sweaty stuffing her new clothes in a bag… when I grabbed the bag and flung it as far as I could, telling her in Spanish I would love her forever she cried till her hair was a sweaty mess and my shirt tear stained…her little body exhausted.
We would go out into the world with smiles on our faces. We could not tell everyone the struggles we had… the way one would cry on time~out like a beagle tied to a tree… or how another would tell lies about lies till I could never make sense of what really was what…. Honestly I can’t remember a lot of it.

I just remember telling everyone it was “all great,we have it better then others.”

I remember that time~out was always full… and we always went to bed tired..only waking up hours later to beg God for direction.
It’s the lonely trip of all adoptive parents… we have to smile during the transition. No one understands in that season what you are going through…so you smile. Only once did I ever let it slip… when my mom called I whispered…”I am not doing so well”…and she swooped in…she gave me enough advice and strength to get me up again.

Generally speaking now  everything is great… my children are all mine and now years after bringing them home, have assimilated nicely.
And here we are …three years out… I tell you about the hard parts because, like I said in another post, a bad anniversary is on the horizon. I may need you readers…I may whisper, “I am not doing so well” to you. It’s a few weeks off.. and who knows this year, with me very aware it may be nothing more then a blip…..

The pilgrims landed and it was hard.. but after awhile everyone was very thankful for the trip…and the story is inspiring on many levels to this day. If you asked me or the pilgrims in my home would we do it all again the answer would be Yes! There is nothing like this journey.

~


A List of  Giving Thanks in Adoption..links included.

  1. the day we wrapped each other up in hugs in the lobby of the hotel for the first time, them yelling Mama!
  2. The morning after they go here and I handed Yen brand new sneakers and she put them on and quietly walked out into the field and ran with the biggest smile and freedom.
  3. When we finally made it home and as I got the suitcases out of the truck in the dark night, they yelled, “Papito” and ran for my teary husband standing on the deck.
  4. Every single time Yen tells me she is happy she has a family.
  5. The times Mer yelled on time out for sooooo long and I…errr…lied to her and told her the marker stained napkin was her blood from yelling for so long…and I may have used that a second time.
  6. The time I got a typewriter and all the kids typed their name but Yen...she did this.
  7. How Yen dances…nothing in the world like it.
  8. How to this day the girls love to sing…”This is the Day”…because I sang it everyday we went back and forth to the embassy in Guatemala.
  9. How swimming together built so much trust with the girls and we didn’t even know it.
  10. After birthing Noa and looking up to see six faces and Yen with a huge smile!
  11. did I mention how she dances… I mean the look in her eyes…freedom…no language needed.
  12. how they love…they love so much
  13. the feeling of walking with my strong daughters…all four of them!
  14. How ferocious my love is for my children.
  15. Getting to look back over tons of pictures to bring a few back to show you.
24 Comments leave one →
  1. November 24, 2011 7:23 am

    nice job sissy butt!!! you are stronger than most thats why you have it better than most….i’m glad they made the transition together- im thankful they’re in my family…thanks for bringing them in!

    • November 24, 2011 7:56 am

      Thank you … I strongly believe they made it as well as they did because they always had family in each other..as you and I know a sister can go along way to distract you from a crappy start.
      T

      • November 24, 2011 11:27 am

        true dat! now, lets eat sweet potatoes till we barf, roll our brownies into dog turds and place rock scissors paper till we fall asleep…heart you sissiest of butts

      • November 24, 2011 4:45 pm

        Oh my Gosh brownies rolled… We only did that as little kids and mom would have deep fried us if we would have done this at a family function let alone thanksgiving
        Lol
        T

  2. November 24, 2011 9:26 am

    moving, you are doing well, believe it.

    getting through life’s hard times one step at a time, once you survive, you will become stronger and smarter.

    cute faces, bless those children who needed help.

  3. November 24, 2011 10:10 am

    Is your Noa a daughter? I have a granddaughter named Noa . . . she’s 9. I’ve never seen anyone else with that name, so it really jumped out at me in your list. May you and all your little pilgrims have a blessed Thanksgiving.

    • November 24, 2011 10:36 am

      Yep…it strikes people as odd…but its because of the Noa in the bible.. Numbers 1:27… I think that is the passage…either way its about the five sisters that made Moses change the law. We need to teach more stories like that.
      Happy thanksgiving to you.
      T

  4. November 24, 2011 11:39 am

    you told this beautifully…I hate to hear the common thread of adoptive parents…the pressure…the need to put on the smile…say…all’s well…I hope this post will help others say…help we are drowning…parents have to choose to let others in…others have to choose to enter in without judgement…a risky endeavor….
    Have a Happy Thanksgiving…

    • November 24, 2011 4:54 pm

      For me it wasn’t about embarrassment .. It was that I didn’t know how to explain to someone how these sweet children had never been parented and were a bit wild behind the scenes… My girls were taught to act right in public it was the at home stuff which was just nutty. We would be just going along fine And then it would seem to hit the skids without any warning. Others thought it was a phase or just kids being kids… But it was sooo much
      More then that…. Hard to explain… So mostly you just smile and say things are great

      I would love for my writing about our adoption could help others be more vocal about their situations
      T

  5. November 24, 2011 6:10 pm

    when I grabbed the bag and flung it as far as I could, telling her in Spanish I would love her forever she cried till her hair was a sweaty mess and my shirt tear stained…her little body exhausted.

    this, friend. this is love. and i hope, i hope, when that bad anniversary comes, you have someone that flings your baggage far and tells you how very very deeply you are loved.

    • November 25, 2011 8:36 am

      Emily…that is such a wonderful blessing to declare for me…
      Thank you for taking that visual and making it so much more.
      You have blessed me.
      T

  6. November 25, 2011 1:38 am

    my parents let three of us in… arms open in love I will never forget… we knew we were blessed above everyone else to be found and so loved!
    And God did the same all over again!

    • November 25, 2011 8:38 am

      I am so glad that you have had such a positive experience…it blesses me so much.
      I love hearing how you have grown into an inspiring adult…
      You story is such a legacy…
      T

  7. November 25, 2011 7:38 am

    I’ve always loved your honestly and transparency about adoption….you’re amazing T and such an encouragement to me always! xoxo

    • November 25, 2011 8:39 am

      How are things in Uganda ,friend? We pray for you often…and we have ramp it up with this malaria thing…sheesh…it’s a battle and you are doing it.
      Inspiring.
      Cheering you on and your daughter.
      T

  8. November 25, 2011 7:10 pm

    Such honesty and beautiful living come through your post. Amazing.

    • November 25, 2011 8:47 pm

      Thank you
      My hope is the more honesty we all put out there… The more supportive we can all be.
      Thank you for your kind words.
      T

  9. November 28, 2011 9:21 am

    Your girls (all your children actually!) are beautiful!

    ¿Y todavía hablas español?

    • November 28, 2011 10:24 am

      No mas ahora… The girls lost even their ability to roll their R’s at nine months here…it was really a strange phenomenon…we have Spanish friends who were still speaking to them and one day yen looked at me and said…what is co-moe ess-tass…and from there she just dumped her entire knowledge of Spanish… They even lost their quiche language which they had traces of …Spanish was their second language…English is their third.
      Ironically I pay for a Colombian to come every week and teach everyone Spanish.
      T

  10. January 24, 2012 2:37 pm

    a treasure of a post. Just a treasure.

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