Getting “Real” in Abandonment.
All I noticed is her being especially “good”. At first I took no notice to her heart quaking inside her chest.
I missed all the signs
But when I found her on the window seat with a weighted blanket a grandmothers quilt and a snuffy nose… I realized she wasn’t being good because she was “on a roll”
I realized my girl was going through the emotional steps of feeding her abandonment.
The being “good”, the smiling all the time..no “momma can you help me” when she slipped in the mud … the using the “guest face” and not the I have been here three years face…can “I help you” were nearly lost on me as I packed up two of my oldest for a trip to Florida.
I knew enough that I couldn’t send Yen… a week away with grandparents would flip too many of her switches. She values family and she hates being shuffled around…she thrives on routine.
She is better then most stories I hear about adoption abandonment.. but it is still there.
It’s a precarious perch adoptive parents play… on one hand I don’t want to feed the hungry beast of abandonment and inspect every emotion which comes down the pike…On the other hand I want her to know her feelings are valuable and I am here to help guide her. But when I find her all sniffly and tucked into heavy blankets I feel in my gut I should let her feel this
let it pass through her and not be affirmed
let her feel that her abandonment is not right…she will not be left…We are all waiting at the table.
let her feel it yet come to dinner with her family….so even if the abandonment issues are there she can see ,even stronger, her family is there waiting for her to pass the salt.
Today’s 5 Minute Friday Word is REAL…I think this counts.
For more on Abandonment: