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Breaking up the bad…

May 7, 2012

A weekend that I needed.

A weekend of dirty kids and laughing friends.

Where I sat on a bench and laid it out for Him blinking back thick tears hanging onto my lashes… “do You still want this?… because I only want what You want… and I need to know that the lies are lies…I need to know that I am not confused…that You still want this…that You still care about this.. that when I say,’ I heard Him say He wants this…and He gave me this vision,’ that it isn’t my pride, that I am not a fool..because it feels like You and I need to know it is… because I .Will.Do.Whatever. You.Want… but the price is pricey…and I need to know.”... and I felt nothing so I got off my bench and went inside…

and the love of my life asked me what songs I wanted to play at Prayer~Fast~Worship…and I confessed, “I am hungry  and I just want to eat something and I don’t feel much like going”.  And the man who has grown with me side by side, furrowed his brow and said quietly, “well thank you for being obedient even when you don’t feel like it.”

and does it sound crazy when I tell you I could feel a power around me, follow me through the day…like that of midwives…this encouraging, of, you can do this, just push through.  Each time I felt it, I would swish it away..”but the price seems pricey… and no one seems to care about this price”... and that swishing feeling would happen.  Does it sound crazy?  To say it was like midwifey angels?  I don’t have a better way of explaining it here for you.

So I lost myself in the swirling paints and whimsical birds and ignored that trailing swishing …and I got a phone message from someone telling me how PFW was going to be thick with His presence…I replied to them with thanks and whispered, I receive it, as I added the wings to a new bird.


So we went to our  PFW.

 Does it sound crazy when I tell you it was like soaring…or like almost soaring.  But regardless He was there…and He does want this….He wants us to stop our crazy lives…to stop and show up to be with Him.

He wants you to have that experience…

where you stop and you claim space and time just for Him.   I wish you had been there… can you imagine how great that would have been?

Where you leave life in the parking lot and you enter into His Throne Room.

He wants you.

He is perfectly fine with you flinging your issues at the foot of the Throne .

Better for you to fling it off at the Throne…giving you so much more room to gather all that he has for you!

So many reasons to be Thankful….

  1. The leader, of the  church where we hold PFW on Saturday nights, coming and getting up in front of everyone to say…”what you are doing is important…how the weary will be rewarded”…and he had no idea that is where I was at.
  2. Getting to bare it all on that bench and for Him to listen and for Him to make it all new!
  3. A wonderful husband who also listened…and supported me through it.
  4. Getting to paint more birds…and also a gift commemorating something God did in someone life.
  5. Sunday morning,a much respected couple speaking mind-blowing words over us….for the rest of the day looking at my husband saying, “did they really say that?”
  6. Friends back from a long Journey…and teaching us amazing things about how to break up the bad places in your life so healing can seep deep.
  7. Garden boxes looking lush
  8. Planting tons of annuals…and beans.
  9. My oldest having a friend over and they really clicked… answered prayer!
  10. New raised garden beds…. which make a really great outdoor playpen  for babies when not yet filled with dirt!
  11. Seeing one of the the queen bees!
  12. How He never let’s go and He never gives up.
  13. Looking up near the end of PFW…and just seeing her sitting in the back, next to the door.  This woman who brings this presence that I can’t wait to see unfold
7 Comments leave one →
  1. r.elliott permalink
    May 7, 2012 1:40 pm

    I love your husband encouragement…great…and amen to #12…have a blessed monday:)

  2. May 7, 2012 5:12 pm

    I love your honesty, your obedience, and your sweet husband’s encouragement. Hooray for our godly men who spur us on even when we don’t feel like taking another step. Visiting from Ann’s today. So nice to meet you.

  3. May 7, 2012 8:43 pm

    Love your blog! I am new! Amazing post!!!

  4. jessie permalink
    May 9, 2012 11:12 am

    this entry had me captivated. thanks for putting these words out there and being so vulnerable. love you.

    • May 9, 2012 1:49 pm

      I hope when I write from this place most people can see that it is all just part of a wonderful plan…these types of experiences aren’t’ “Signs” that say you should stop….which I think many get bogged down with.
      But He will not leave you nor forsake you.

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