Just to sit….
She came up to me in the produce aisle… telling me how she wrestles with what He wants from her….she knows she does…but…
I put the tubs of cashews in the cart and wipe the mist off my hands from the cilantro bunch. A pile of basil at home and plans of our favorite Pesto waiting at home.
Surely to stop me and confess this to me, I need to pay attention…my life a Divine Itinerary I walk into.
“I know I am supposed to come to PFW… but I really wrestle with going.”
“Wait what?”I can feel the sandy grit on my hands from the cilantro…as I am very aware of my flesh in this moment.
“But that is a side issue, ” she says whooshing her hands to the side as if whisking it away into the pile of prepackaged carrots, “What I really want to say is to encourage you in what you are doing there…at PFW. That is amazing. I stopped in for a second and it was amazing….so good. I need to come more often. I mean, He has been telling me to… but that is something I need to stop fighting Him on… but that is a different thing altogether.”
It is just the strangest feeling. To be encapsulated in this moment…and feeling as if your arms are too heavy to move. To stand there and think , this is your wrestle with God…to drive 5miles and sit? What do you say when someone says the thing they wrestle God over is whether to drive 5miles and sit with Him?… “so what stops you? Why wrestle with God over it?” I have to ask… she may have told me it isn’t what she came to say… but she encouraged me once and told me she wrestles with God on this issue two times. Her encouragement flanked on both ends with confession. I had to know as she has devoted so much of her life to working for causes. She would travel half a world to deliver a cup of rice. She is a good woman with a good heart…. and the truth pushes past her good words.
Is this why hard work was put upon us in a garden? Is it because we can’t sit with Him? We couldn’t manage just to walk with Him in the cool of the night. We can work for Him… but to sit with Him? To be vulnerable to being rejected. To come and to sit… would He be there for us? Surely for them… they get to hear from Him…but us? Isn’t that the lie we all eat with spoons? We can be good people who work for a God who very well may exist after we die…either way we will have lived a “good” life as “good” people…. is God our solid Plan B when we die? The whole Word is about a God who wants to sit with His people. All the other stuff happens because all He has ever wanted was us…. you and Him.
So stop trying to prove yourself…. yourself to who? Because He already died to save you…so there is nothing more you could do.
Does anyone think He exists anymore?
I can tell you from a thousand experiences…. if you show up…He will show up. That isn’t a bold statement…it is just the truth that so many run from.
A Seed Inspired 
Sitting can be a suffering, and it’s good not to minimize the pain of it.
But, like you said, all eternal work only comes from sitting at His feet.
A place for compassion for the suffering, and a place for the rest of faith that fills.
Nice to visit here again, T!
One doesn’t have to sit with others to sit at His feet. I’m an introvert and find corporate worship more difficult. Good leadership will be concerned with why she struggles to go. For some, just doing a little bit of service can help them feel more involved and comfortable. You have swiftly judged her, totally missed her encouragment, and then publically used it as a blog post. That tells me volumes.
hmmm… I can see where you would think that I am judging her. I actually only used a snippet of her meeting with me… I absolutely encouraged her and thanked her profusely for stopping me to share this with me. Her and I did stand and talk for quite some time about why she saw this as ” her wrestling with God”… so if that qualifies as “good leadership” in your book.. then it looks like I did a better job then previously thought.
Are you familiar with my blog?.. because I am huge on sitting with just Him. I have written extensively about just sitting with only God…in the woods, on walks, on the beach , in your car, while I paint, while I garden…I have written so extensively on just sitting with you and Him… that I have thought often that I have pigeonholed myself as a person who mostly writes on the subject, lol.
As far as people serving in the community that He has put them in…again I wonder have you ever read my blog?
I am hearing you say you are an introvert and that there are areas which you know make you feel more comfortable… cheers to this. I hope you can find many ways of growing and feeling very comfortable at the same time.
thank you for feeling safe enough in this space to speak freely.
T
I get what you are saying. Anyone who has spent much time in the evangelical church can have little very little qualms about whether or not The Church is busy in service. But so often, I myself am left wondering where is the intimacy with Christ, the crying of “Abba Father”? Where is the Holy Awe that the divine drew near to sinners such as us? Only sitting with Him produces such feelings. And that is what is what produces Spirit-filled ministry.
Cheers,
Leah
spot on…thank you.
T
Love this T! Such a sweet reminder to stop wrestling and just sit and be with Him right now. Thank you!
yes… for sure. going closer to Him makes everything else fall into place.
T
Sitting is ok when you are sitting at his feet, waiting and listening. I love the statement “if you show up ….he will show up”. So true. So very true.
Hey T ( and others “peeking in” ), There is a great invitation from Jesus to do exactly what we’re all talking about. In John 1:35-39. Some disciples are following Jesus and He asks, “What do you want?” ( A fairly important question ).
They answer, “Teacher, where are you staying?” Or, where to You live, what are You about, what drives You?
Jesus answers with an invitation to us all, “Come and you will see.” The invitation is always there!
Blessings
yes… the invitation is always there. and perhaps I should have allowed readers to see more of our conversation with this friend and I. I did encourage her to meet Him on her own… and if not go to PFW then to sit in your home with Him. However her convo with me was centered around her wrestling with to go or not to go…so that is why I talked more in reference to driving to it…(in lieu of sitting home)
I am glad this has sparked so much thought…and I am super happy to see you chiming in here!
T
There are many good things, and there is better. Sometimes I need to be home and quiet instead of say, filling up my calendar with good and worthy things. It is a fine balance. I am glad she confessed her struggle and you were able to encourage. I have been wrestling with our ladies study on Tues mornings for some reason. I thought it was just me being an introvert. But the past two weeks God has physically shut the door , little one was sick and then out of town. I am now wondering if it wasn’t me all along but a prompting. (reason is, I have learned of another study starting next week on a better day and with other mamas of little ones with special needs AND a book I have felt the needs to study.) very interesting post and comments. Love your heart T.
I think we are provided seasons where we breathe in..and where we breathe out. It is the natural rhythm of things, lol. So there is nothing wrong with passing the one study to the left…find someone who has wanted to lead it. You can still go…but the pressure will be lifted off in this season.
T