Two Bags of Guilt

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Is it the plight of all mothers to wake up to a bag or two of guilt every morning?   Does it ever get easier? This deciding the best route of educating our children?   To clarify I don’t feel some cosmic pressure to do “the right thing” … nor do I feel some societal pressure.  It is just the burn of wanting my children to love learning and to be curious…  but at the end of the year I must hand in work to show how they were adequately taught from here to there.  Then there is the nail biting affair of having them tested every other year… I always feel that is a microscope more on me, than on them.  I am sure teachers in brick and mortar schools feel the same way.  I just recently received my children’s  standardized test scores and to be honest… my kids always test well above what the average is and well into the “blue” whatever that means.  Does it seem rude to you that the highest level would be blue?  What about all the kids who must bring home “yellows”?  Or rather the teachers who know their kids received “yellow level”… sad that we rank the kids, like you do riders at a horse show.  I wouldn’t have anything to do with it, but it is one of those mandated things.  The type of things which insure that you aren’t just letting your kids run free in the woods building forts and learning about  what they find interesting.  Those colored rankings make sure your child is getting a rounded education about what a great guy Columbus was  and how many ever changing amount of planets there really are.  You remember all that from when you went to school don’t you… hasn’t it been handy?  Oh wait!  You have probably since found out exactly what kind of guy Columbus was and the planets…well, you are dating yourself if you say Pluto is a planet.

Last year I wanted to toss everyone in school…for like a hot minute.  My husband looked at me and squirreled up his eyebrows… and I knew he wasn’t taking me seriously. I am reminded that most interesting things I have learned were primarily from my great grandparents.  Most things I have pulled  have crept up from the recess’ of my mind from being in their home.  More scientific information was organized in my head than I had even imagined…all from my great grandparents.  Their son, my grandfather, also contributed to my scientific bank of info…  but they had more time.  Can I remember a ton of things learned from actual science classes?  Of course I remember dissecting things… but I actually can’t tell you what was in there… just that the mere mention of the day brings back “that smell”.  I know you know what I mean and right now you are scrunching up your nose at the thought of that crayfish and worm all pinned down… even if you thought it was interesting that smell never leaves your mind.

So back to the two bags of guilt… can I ever teach them enough?  Do all parents wake up the same way… at least the mothers?  Because either way your children are taught… and they are taught regardless if it is the stuff you sent them to learn or not…. we are still responsible.  They aren’t going to go back to their high school teacher and say “you really dropped the ball”.  It’s on our heads…whether taught at home or in brick buildings.  Guilt or not I never really feel overwhelmed….like I said I don’t feel some cosmic pressure…it’s all the homespun kind, made right here in my own head.

I am sure by the time I organize the mess in my head , I will have successfully purged every last thing of excess out of this home.  I suppose if I can’t  clear up my mind I will clear out everything around me.

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