When you live through the toxic

“check the fireplace”

I rolled over in bed, my head hurt and I had a weird taste in my mouth. I looked towards the pellet stove which was dark and the lights on the side which control the temperature and auger were off.  The forty mile per hour  winter winds rattling against our sleeping home.  These winds always keep me awake… jumping at every crack and snap in our old house yet I drifted uncontrollably back to sleep.

“check the fireplace”

My eyes could barely focus… the smell was stronger…was that plastic melting?… I tried to focus on the fireplace…Why can’t I stay awake, I normally have trouble staying asleep but I could hear the fireplace was in cooling down mode.. but the fire was out… the lights were off on the side…. I told myself I was paranoid and ….but isn’t the room smokey?… and I slipped back into a chemical sleep…my baby snuggled in tightly next to me…

“check the fireplace”

I saw flickers on the wall… wasn’t the fireplace off?… where are those orange stripes on the wall  coming from? I climbed through the haze and looked into the metal box that holds the wood pellets for the fireplace… right before I grabbed the handle I realized it had melted into an orangey molten goop..looking into the box was like looking  into an evil eye of reds and yellows…

“unplug it…”

I pulled the plug and a spark flew out, yet it didn’t startle me… I just didn’t have any more energy… I climbed back into bed…”we have a problem,” I had the sense to say out loud, “don’t touch the fireplace… there’s a problem”… I pulled my baby close and drifted asleep… I couldn’t stop.
My HusBen got up to use the bathroom… when he came back in at 3am… he realized something was wrong, “we need to evacuate… grab the baby… the air is really bad in here… I noticed because I left and came back in… you have to get up right now… take the baby.”

Sometimes when you only know toxic air you need someone else to tell you that you are dying if you stay where you are… if you stay in a toxic environment …to get free you need someone who knows what free tastes like and how bitter toxic tastes.

and that is how we didn’t die.
because our house was about to burn down.
because the fireplace was smoldering into our bedroom.
because our room was filling with toxic fumes that were disabling us.

and that is how we didn’t die.
because He was speaking to me.
because He wouldn’t let me go.
because He kept speaking.
because when He has something important to say.. He will keep saying it.
because He matched me with the very best HusBen… who knows to escape toxic environments. A HusBen who will take me by the arm and pull me out when I don’t have the strength to do it myself…