Please forgive my absence… we are deep in preparation for TWO weddings!
The kids and I are either performing or participating in each one so you can just imagine all that may go into a family of ten being in two completely different weddings.
Did I mention both weddings are back to back!…and in a week!
Every free moment my children have been running across field and stream to help set up for one of the weddings which will be held on the family farm.
Pumpkins to pick and flower beds to mulch. Songs to rehearse and pastures to be mowed.
All of which somedays leaves me with this little baby here as my only farm help.
I sat in the passenger seat.
I sat in the passenger seat of my HusBen’s truck as he drove.
I sat in the passenger seat of my HusBen’s truck as he drove across the bridge.
I sat in the passenger seat of my HusBen’s truck as he drove across the bridge to an unfamiliar place.
I sat in the passenger seat of my HusBen’s truck as he drove across the bridge to an unfamiliar place
and I felt free.
None of this could have happened before.
But there has been a renewal.
I sat there and asked Him, “will it ever come back?”… in an instant I was surrounded with the most overwhelming love that I have ever felt. His reassurance humbled me.
Every single synap that was once devoted to managing anxiety is now silenced by His Voice. Where the voice of doubt and fear chattered and planned…now He talks. He talks now even more than I ever …ever imagined.
I hopped down from the farm truck laughing to friends calling out in surprise, “You’re really here!!!”
We came to celebrate this couple and the renewal of their vows.
Decades of marriage to be celebrated.
These two have come to our Sunday Dinners… seen us at our worst. Laughed with us through tears.
They love out of the overflow of a deep love, bubbling up joyfully from Him and the family He has given them.
They have enough to share.
She counsels the broken. He is a treasure hunter. Together they know how to dig deep… to be diligent… to be determined… that the abandoned are often capable of the highest return.
Their love inspires us.
Their parenting is some of the most loving …. we know because they have extended it to us.
When they left Egypt they probably thought…,”Wait? Seriously? This is what being free feels like, after all these generations… just for us to go?” Some probably also felt like celebrating. This was all they had ever wanted…
But freedom feels too good to be true… to a slave.
Your body aches to do the same things you have been doing for a lifetime.
A lifetime of making bricks , building walls , dodging danger and managing your life so that the slave driver does not notice you … A lifetime of the same muddy dance. Then, one day, they call you free…and you are shown a vast future ahead.
They knew how to live as slaves… Freedom was a fairy tale.
A fairy tale come true.
He knew they would feel overwhelmed. They had never had to deal with anything other than slavery… other than a routine life with an oppressor. They never had to face life for themselves…. no rulers… just a Ruler.
I never knew why they complained until I did it myself,
“Why would you free me from anxiety just to bring me here!!!,” and I literally slapped my hand over my mouth and said,
“Oh I didn’t mean that I am so sorry forgive me,” just as fast.
Because nothing is worth going back. I wouldn’t trade my freedom for that life ever again.
But the truth of it is this…. the anxiety… the slavery… it was shrouding something. It was hiding the things never dealt with…painful things…terribly painful things. Those wanders never knew how rebellious they were until they didn’t have the rules and consequences …. and me, without it (anxiety), I was faced with a sea of sadness. Sadness for the injustice… sadness for the dishonor … sadness of having very little worth to anyone… so much sadness that I had never been allowed to feel… sadness was weakness … and weakness was unacceptable and punishable… and the punishment would far out weigh the offense…. and the sadness wasn’t worth the cost.
But if you don’t ever mourn… then what?
Sea of Sadness.
Overwhelming to look at.. I wondered how I could ever mourn that much…was that really nessassary…
But what does He do with slave masters rushing up on His freed people and a Sea of Sadness standing in front.
He does the Supernatural.
He took me by the hand… and said He would go with me.
He would take me across.
He has put it behind me.
Closes it up. Never going back.
Freedom feels even better now.
Freedom feels even freer now.
Nothing I have ever experienced compares.
She had speech issues as a little girl. Her baby language never seemed to evolve. When she would try and talk no one could understand her. They would look at me… often I would shrug. There were times none of us knew what she was saying. I called around but all the speech therapists were a minimum hour away. So I worked with her everyday. I could feel the judgement from others. Judgement that my three year old spoke differently than their child. Judgement that I thought I could help her…. ” you aren’t a professional”. She felt the judgement too… or the frustration, and she became quiet. I used to sit outside her playroom door and listen to her voice playing with dolls…. no judgement there…so she would prattle on.
I had to do something…. and we did. Her and I .
I can remember sitting on the kitchen floor and going over sounds
and over sounds
and over sounds
and over sounds.
days. months. years.
And I am not going to lie to you…. somedays , I just went through the motions …. and truthfully I am pretty sure she hated it somedays,too.
But what could we do… so together we kept at it.
By the time she was five her words were very clear and no one knew the difference between her and her peers.
there was a plan to thwart this day… but she is fearless…
So when she sang on Sunday and lead a room in worship…
She lead them with words…she once could not say
She lead them with sound … she once locked away
She sang with an overcomers authority…
“…You’ve never failed and You won’t start now. So I will call upon Your name………And my faith will be made stronger in the presence of my Savior…”
It can swoop in and try and destroy what is yours.
In an instant a Guardian is there as if in anticipation.
An alarm sounded.
Others come to aid.
all hope is lost is replaced with life…
I hadn’t the right tools when I found the burrs growing up in a shady corner of the pasture. I was ill equipt. Then, out of sight… out of mind.
The lush green grew up around it, shrouding them… and the burrs were less visible.
I wish I would have dealt with it right away. But then I didn’t have the proper tools, like I said.
So they grew.
Now there are so many all stuck together….no longer growing in a far off part. Now they are right up next to me.
What was so far away ,is now demanding my attention.
It was overwhelming.
It is overwhelming.
But one by one is the only way. To look at all the burrs is too much. Some are still too close to the skin…so I will let those grow out a bit more.
So daunting to deal with such a project.
Some things we should have dealt with long ago…. but either way now or then they will get dealt with.
A good Shepherd picks off the prickly hurts brought up from the low places.