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when healing comes … or when you find yourself free

July 30, 2014








we carry things along with us.

sometimes we have no idea where they even came from

tucked away they grow

eventually others begin to notice.

hurts so big they show from the outside.

we can go a long way,

we can do a lot of amazing things,

we can keep moving pretty far while carrying hurts.

Then one day the healer comes.. a Shepherd walks into view…

a power we didn’t know was possible.

We may have thought His eye was just on sparrows and not us

Healing is a crazy thing.

Freedom is even more crazy.

Those who can come alongside you and celebrate with you are handpicked by Him.




You would think … (rather)  I thought, healing would feel more climactic … but instead, it is something you find yourself in…

One day you will find yourself just walking along and realize the hurt isn’t there

One day you look around and you no longer hear the snapping hungry jaws of wolves in hot pursuit of your life

One day you realize you can forgive the unforgivable

One day you realize those lies spoke over you are crazy talk and you can’t imagine agreeing with any of  them

One day you find that other peoples hurts can’t hurt you and  now, only make you feel compassion

One day you wonder how long have you been just walking in this healing … days into months into a new life.

One day you find yourself free

One day you find yourself healed

I tell you… just like that, it happened to me.


Gathering up lessons

July 28, 2014

Things I have learned by being surrounded by great people from all over the world within the past few weeks….




DSC_0487 ~




people are very revolutionary and revelatory when in either pajamas or swimsuits….albeit I have never heard them speak to the masses, I am normally home resting when they are in front of people all properly dressed and such.

French Jazz is great background music and isn’t just for places like Express and The Limited in the 90’s…

… we were not created for performance … if you operate from a place of fear you can’t love…You will always be judging  and caught up in the performance of others… either you will fear they will be better than you or that they will not be good enough, either way you can’t love from that spot….  We must love people as they are right now.

freedom doesn’t always feel as intense as the original trauma … Freedom is a peace that you find your self walking in.

when you find yourself in freedom and healing… just take a second and feel it… really feel it… then celebrate it with someone.

celebrating with friends is better than dessert

no matter how late a great speaker is… they will always take a few scoops of great sheep milk ice cream… no arm twisting needed.

we are very blessed with safety in this country… we take it for granted all walking around talking on cell phones all out in the open.

all the most perfect houseguests end up in my house.

this is never it.… there is always more good coming our way… heaven is just overflowing with it.




and we aren’t even done yet…

but I will say….

I shall sink back into my quiet little life quite satisfied  after all this… oh my


Season of Guests

July 21, 2014









I am so thankful…

For the season of guests! I love July!

For sitting around in pajamas with strangers, now friends and sipping tea.

For staying up way way late with cocktails and friends

for my son who loves to milk in the barn with me

this baby who tells me to “Suss Suss” with her finger to her mouth as she rocks her doll.

for new elderberry plants

for reaching the bottom of the seasonal zucchini drawer

for ice cream o’clock shared with people from Oklahoma, Kansas, Virginia Beach, Australia and South Africa all in one day.

for miraculous healings all weekend long

for the miracle of  food that never ever runs out no matter how many show up

for dresses on sale… so nice.

for little girls who play “Fake church” on the hill…. their little voices singing high and heaven laying low

for expansion upon expansion upon expansion in the guitar business





in a Garden

July 16, 2014
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We are all looking for it.

We are created for it.

We were created for a Garden to rest in.

To walk through and have relationship in…

To rest in….to know our way around….

It shouldn’t be a foreign language to us.

Rest is an act of faith.

Faith in what was done…

Faith in how it will carry on in our rest…

Faith that we are not the final component in success

Rest is a confidence in something outside of ourselves.




A Unique Moment at a Unique Gathering

July 7, 2014




Years ago I worked at a convenience store.  We lost power over night and came into work in the morning to find the ice cream a bit soft.  My manager told me to throw it out…all 35 boxes.  It seemed such a waste… he permitted me to take it all, in lieu of throwing it out.  So I raced it all , on my lunch break, over to my grandmother’s pool where all my cousins (all much younger than me) were lounging poolside on a 90 degree July day.Much to no ones surprise 35 boxes of barely melted icecream was spirit lifting….as if kids spending their summer eating Tastycakes around a grandmother’s pool with not a mother in sight needed spirits lifted!

I guess that joy has always been stashed away within me.






The other night at a unique gathering of women, my  sheep milk ice cream was requested in attendance.  I will tell you I fussed over which flavors to bring. I fiddled with flavors.If you follow me on Instagram you know I am constantly working on new flavors.  I begged opinions and criticisms. I settled on four favorites.  The Meadowmint because it pairs so well with blueberries and tart raspberries.  I have the most decadent Chocolate Wine sheep milk ice cream , it is hands down a crowd favorite.  I also brought a cream cheese cinnamon ice cream again because of how it compliments fruit which was to be in abundance.  I also brought my vanilla bean sheep milk ice cream… it is just over the top simple perfection and I don’t think I can make it any better.  I was surprised when the guests wanted me to explain the flavors and where the ingredients and ideas came from.  This is my current passion and this was the first time I had exposed my little beauties outside of my home.  My nervous heart flipped happily as everyone crooned over my little pints as much as I do.

The guest of honor turned to me, “What made you choose ice cream “

I felt like a nervous nerd as blurted out words tumbled over each other in a mad dash before I could pull them back, “Well,… I am really good at making cheese and have been making cheese for over a decade… but when you bring cheese people like it… maybe even love it… but everyone is very pinned up about it… but when you dish out ice cream, ” I sighed out as I gestured about the room to all the smiling spoon licking sparkly eyed people, ” people ohh and smile and laugh.”

She smiled wide, “Ohh.. I get it …you like making people happy.” She smiled happily spooning up a melty of so rich chocolate wine which by now had swirled beautifully with the vanilla bean speckled glory taking care to herd a raspberry onto it.

I smiled with my mouth a bit dumbly open,”I don’t know what to do with that, ” I laughed nervously.  “No one has ever said that about me… but… errr… I mean… you are right….I do,” I barely whispered it.  Then some where in my heart a small glowing healing happened.


Happy 4th

July 4, 2014

Find your peace and don’t let anyone steal it !


John 14:27New International Version (NIV)

27 Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you.

I do not give to you as the world gives.

Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.

Sort of “pushy”

July 2, 2014


The guy behind me in Costco looked at my 4 daughters in line with me and said, “Woo wouldn’t want to be you…What do you do with your free time,” he finished sarcastically. The woman behind him , or with him, was very uncomfortable. My daughters, like a small flock of meercats were all eyes on me.
I tried to just laugh it off…. ,”Oh this is just half of them.”
“Oh man, I bet you have no free time”

well…ya know meercats and all… I had to answer..
“hmmm… my free time? Well for starters…
I do photography.
I paint.
I write.
I make toys.
I spin.
I have a website.
I garden.
I sew.
I lead a community based group each week which I also cook everything for.
I make artisan ice cream.
I run a micro dairy.
I read….hmmm…I am sure there is more, I just can’t think of it all just now…” I admit my one eyebrow was a bit higher than the other as I long looked him.
“Oh you farm,” he said with disdain. He said it as if that explained it all. Almost as if that nullified something. But this is Coscto and I don’t care how rude someone is or how flipping hot it is outside… I have a 20minute race to the exit I try and keep. I mean, I have standards (smirk).
The woman behind him was a nervous laughing wreck, “hahhahahaha he said your ‘free time'”.
All the meercats were at full attention.
“Oh I heard him… my ‘busy time’ is a whole different story….

Funny moral of this story I noticed at the very last second as I was handed my receipt:

People should not give looks of disdain to women who proudly lead strong lives….These same people should not judge or question what I do with my free time when all they hold in their arms is a Costco sized box of Preparation H. Maybe our free time isn’t what we should be discussing in that moment.


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