When they left Egypt they probably thought…,”Wait? Seriously? This is what being free feels like, after all these generations… just for us to go?” Some probably also felt like celebrating. This was all they had ever wanted…
But freedom feels too good to be true… to a slave.
Your body aches to do the same things you have been doing for a lifetime.
A lifetime of making bricks , building walls , dodging danger and managing your life so that the slave driver does not notice you … A lifetime of the same muddy dance. Then, one day, they call you free…and you are shown a vast future ahead.
They knew how to live as slaves… Freedom was a fairy tale.
A fairy tale come true.
He knew they would feel overwhelmed. They had never had to deal with anything other than slavery… other than a routine life with an oppressor. They never had to face life for themselves…. no rulers… just a Ruler.
I never knew why they complained until I did it myself,
“Why would you free me from anxiety just to bring me here!!!,” and I literally slapped my hand over my mouth and said,
“Oh I didn’t mean that I am so sorry forgive me,” just as fast.
Because nothing is worth going back. I wouldn’t trade my freedom for that life ever again.
But the truth of it is this…. the anxiety… the slavery… it was shrouding something. It was hiding the things never dealt with…painful things…terribly painful things. Those wanders never knew how rebellious they were until they didn’t have the rules and consequences …. and me, without it (anxiety), I was faced with a sea of sadness. Sadness for the injustice… sadness for the dishonor … sadness of having very little worth to anyone… so much sadness that I had never been allowed to feel… sadness was weakness … and weakness was unacceptable and punishable… and the punishment would far out weigh the offense…. and the sadness wasn’t worth the cost.
But if you don’t ever mourn… then what?
Sea of Sadness.
Overwhelming to look at.. I wondered how I could ever mourn that much…was that really nessassary…
But what does He do with slave masters rushing up on His freed people and a Sea of Sadness standing in front.
He does the Supernatural.
He took me by the hand… and said He would go with me.
He would take me across.
He has put it behind me.
Closes it up. Never going back.
Freedom feels even better now.
Freedom feels even freer now.
Nothing I have ever experienced compares.
She had speech issues as a little girl. Her baby language never seemed to evolve. When she would try and talk no one could understand her. They would look at me… often I would shrug. There were times none of us knew what she was saying. I called around but all the speech therapists were a minimum hour away. So I worked with her everyday. I could feel the judgement from others. Judgement that my three year old spoke differently than their child. Judgement that I thought I could help her…. ” you aren’t a professional”. She felt the judgement too… or the frustration, and she became quiet. I used to sit outside her playroom door and listen to her voice playing with dolls…. no judgement there…so she would prattle on.
I had to do something…. and we did. Her and I .
I can remember sitting on the kitchen floor and going over sounds
and over sounds
and over sounds
and over sounds.
days. months. years.
And I am not going to lie to you…. somedays , I just went through the motions …. and truthfully I am pretty sure she hated it somedays,too.
But what could we do… so together we kept at it.
By the time she was five her words were very clear and no one knew the difference between her and her peers.
there was a plan to thwart this day… but she is fearless…
So when she sang on Sunday and lead a room in worship…
She lead them with words…she once could not say
She lead them with sound … she once locked away
She sang with an overcomers authority…
“…You’ve never failed and You won’t start now. So I will call upon Your name………And my faith will be made stronger in the presence of my Savior…”
It can swoop in and try and destroy what is yours.
In an instant a Guardian is there as if in anticipation.
An alarm sounded.
Others come to aid.
all hope is lost is replaced with life…
I hadn’t the right tools when I found the burrs growing up in a shady corner of the pasture. I was ill equipt. Then, out of sight… out of mind.
The lush green grew up around it, shrouding them… and the burrs were less visible.
I wish I would have dealt with it right away. But then I didn’t have the proper tools, like I said.
So they grew.
Now there are so many all stuck together….no longer growing in a far off part. Now they are right up next to me.
What was so far away ,is now demanding my attention.
It was overwhelming.
It is overwhelming.
But one by one is the only way. To look at all the burrs is too much. Some are still too close to the skin…so I will let those grow out a bit more.
So daunting to deal with such a project.
Some things we should have dealt with long ago…. but either way now or then they will get dealt with.
A good Shepherd picks off the prickly hurts brought up from the low places.
So the story goes…
When I was very small my great grandmother got a phone call while she gave me a bath. Now just so you don’t think my great grandmother was negligent…know that most puddles are deeper than the baths this woman would give. I am not sure why this very generous woman was so stingy with the bath water we lived on a well… a very deep well so there really wasn’t any reason to hold back. If there was 2 inches in that tub it was a sure sign it was winter..I guess she thought that would thwart the chill…. But it was September so I was probably sitting in a healthy inch of water. … either way… When she returned to the bath tub I was gone! She looked through the house and started to get a bit nervous. How far could I have gotten? Well there she found me up at the grapes just free as a bird.
This week we often find the kids out at the grape arbor. Squeegie grapes can brighten any day…there is nothing like them. Maybe it’s a local thing…I don’t know. My HusBen enjoys the grapes… but he doesn’t get joy in his heart the way the rest of us do, when we find a really big cluster. Even the baby gets right to it. She knows to lift the leaves… to find a cluster and how to drink out the center and throw the skins to the chickens.
Oh what a great life I get to lead!!! We haven’t had Sunday Dinner for two weeks because the HusBen has been at guitar events every weekend. He has been a hobnobbing machine… I think they call it work.. but sitting around with musical celebrities passing around guitars doesn’t really sound like “Work” in my book. Granted I could manage Sunday Dinner on my own… but I think the guys who show up would be a little deflated to find him gone. Yesterday was our first week back and people poured in. It was awesome. Strangers turned friends walked in with beautiful sleepy babies. I love when people take some ownership of SunDin (see what I did there). Something about not being asked and someone picking up full dishes from the kitchen and heading to the dining room makes me feel like my heart is smiling. Like we have something deep down good going on here. And I smile a bit bigger when those helpers are single men… I smile bigger and want to find them a perfect wife, just saying.
So this morning I am just bursting with Thanks…
- Meeting new friends
- Early morning dance parties with my kids….He rejoices over us… and we dance up a storm!…”Signed Sealed Delivered”…
- new candles
- my grass is still green! which in our neck of the woods isn’t normal for this time of year.
- Slowly but surely getting the best sheep “dried off” for Autumn.
- I love love LOVE my sheep. I love love all the learning I am experiencing.
- walking into the living room and my kids sitting together on the couch and my oldest daughter reading aloud to them… my heart just about burst.
- Some of my very dearest most loved friends and original SunDin peeps flying to England to the David Tent Event… Are you going my UK readers???? Please do… practically all of Sunday Dinner will be there!…except me… I won’t (sniff), I wanted too…(humph)maybe some other epic event (phhhph) … but all my friends will be…(sigh) no really I am happy about it…I mean …I am. (kicks a rock)
All right we have been friends for a loooooong time now. Years and years in fact. I think it’s time for you to learn about me outside of my personal struggles and spiritual life… How about the everyday stuff. It’s raining outside… so come on over here and into my studio. No heavy lifting today. Here is a list of just a few things you didn’t know about me.. lol.. I am sure we will be closer after this…
1.) If I had only one food to take to an island… I would take a potato. I just freaking love potatoes. Pretty much any way you slice it (haha) I like them. When I was a poor as dirt single mom… I would buy a bag of potatoes and some frozen peas… and I ate them happily for dinner many nights in row. My oldest son… he hates them..I think there may be a connection. And oh my heavens (!!!) potato donuts make me stupid smile even typing them… potato donuts with a side of french fries – DONE. LOVE.
2.)I listen to Huey Lewis and the News…. a lot. I mean probably more than anyone else you know, even your friends from the 80’s. I mean it brings an immediate smile to my face. As in I am listening to it now… and my kids pretty much know the lyrics. I mean it’s Hip to Be Square…. ya know it’s all about The Power of Love.
3.) Salt Addiction. It’s true, don’t doubt me. I have salt from alllllll over the world. I have it in every color it comes in. I have it from the tops of mountains and the depths of the seas. I have books on it and lamps made out if it… we own a salt inhaler … and if that isn’t enough… we now have a hot salt room. See??!!… you thought “salt addiction my foot”… but now you are shaking your head and calling an addiction specialist.
4.) As a child I never wanted to get married… I remember answering with, “I will have kids but I will never ever get married.” Considering everything I had seen…men seemed awful and marriage seemed like a way for awful men to be taken care of because they couldn’t handle life on their own. And truth… had my marriage not been semi-arranged I don’t know if I would have ever gotten married. It was just never on my list of things to do…suffice it to say I would design Barbie a great dream home… but Ken …hmm… I don’t know where the heck he was.
5.) I am missing the gene that all women have… I hate buying shoes. H A T E. If I find a pair of shoes I like… I will wear it an embarrassing amount (by female standards). Of all the fashions that come back around when will wearing my farm boots be all the rage… because that would be really great.
6.)Pairing nicely with #5… I can not stand dirty feet in my bed. Wash your feet. Guh. It’s gross. I can’t sleep like that.
now about here is when I couldn’t think of anything else, and like I said earlier, no heavy lifting… so I choose to phone some friends…. and here is what they said after I censored them and screened through all the embarrassing things…
7.) “She will not ride in the passenger seat.” ~N
8.)”You and your husBen have never shared a bathroom.” ~S
9.)”If someone gives you a bad haircut you feel compelled to go back and teach them how to do it better because you are always trying to empower people to be the best of their giftings and you don’t stop …Oh and random strangers always talk to you about their boobs and personal sex lives.” ~L
10.)”It’s pretty weird that you have broken all your toes” ~J
11.)”As a kid you had chicken pox for the 2nd time at Disney World and your grandmother thought they were chigger bites and she told you to hold an aspirin on your head to help your headache because she didn’t have any children’s medicine.”~E
So there ya go… I guess that sums up everything.. No rock left unturned. Good Day and Good Night.