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Lines in the Sand

September 5, 2011

“It’s magnetite,” I tell another child when they ask me again why the black sand sticks. “Magnetite is heavier then the regular sand  which is made of quartz…If we had a magnet I would show you why it’s called magnetite. If we had a magnet I could draw it out from the sand.”

He runs off satisfied and I sit back in my chair.

They are all working together to dig a trench before high tide at noon.
Their shovels slice deep into the sand exposing it’s story.

The story where the storms came and pounded the shore.

The story where the hurricane came washing high up and cutting into the protective dunes.

Each layer building upon the next layer.

None of this can be seen from the surface…not till the slicing open can I see what storms were here before this sunny day.

My own storms are many.

If you sliced open my heart you would see many storms in my childhood …all leaving dark black lines.

You would also see spaces of great peace.

Recently a new line has been added.
What do I do?
The forgiveness we gave…has come back with so much trouble…so much work.
Exhaustion.
They want more then forgiveness. I doubt they ever cared about the forgiveness…it was wrapping paper to them and now they want the gift they feel is due.
My time.
My energy.
Becoming an identured servant.
I don’t think I have it…not anymore.
Forgiveness has been given…but trust has been forever broken.

I wonder if this thin black line will grow thick.
Why couldn’t the forgiveness just be that…now moving forward.
But, no.
Them …and us…we all don’t play by the same rule book.
Therein lies the problem.

Is that their problem…or mine?

How do you do the right thing?…When your idea of the right thing and theirs are so different.

How much do you sacrifice?..When the price is higher then you think you can give.

How do you turn the other cheek?… when it isn’t a cheek they want but a heart or seven.

When you don’t war against flesh and blood?.. but theirs is all over this, and they want some of yours.

When your forgiveness does not satisfy?…. and they seem to want only your peace.

Your. Hard. Earned. Peace.

The storm comes through and dark lines are forever under the surface.
Beauty can be made from magnetite and sand.
If I had a magnet I could separate the two.
The Son still shines above it all.
How do I still glorify in this?

So what do you do when you have forgiven someone… but they want more?  When forgiveness isn’t enough and their rule book is different then yours?  How do you figure out what is  the right thing to do…when they still think you are wrong and want more of you?  When it feels like the only thing that will satisfy the other person is your peace….big sigh out ~T

My List of things I am truly thankful for….

  1. Learning episodes like this where I can try and discern what is truly the right thing.
  2. Peaceful Learning every morning.
  3. Family that I have a great time with…both brothers here for the weekend!
  4. Making my grown brothers sleep in bunk beds…hilarious!
  5. Having a soon to be sister (in law) remind me what it is to enter a family and the energy it takes.
  6. My husband returning safely after days gone from our vacation.
  7. A wonderful beach house to invite family to come and relax…and laugh…and laugh…and laugh.
  8. Sunny days
  9. Lessons learned in sand.
  10. Tents billowing in the breeze bright red.
  11. lunch after a morning at the beach
  12. our umbrella not blowing away.
  13. Zim’s tenacity in learning to ride the waves.
  14. Psoriasis clearing up in the sun.
  15. Good music holding the space in the house.
24 Comments leave one →
  1. September 5, 2011 8:56 am

    I am sure it’s called “magnetite” for a reason in this instance. “Draw near to God and He will draw near to you” The dark lines make a space for us to cling to God. Where do you think all that Peace comes from afterward. Ask and keep asking knock and keep knocking…you will be answered. The question is, will you be willing to do what is asked?

    lurve you.

    • September 5, 2011 8:59 am

      I am pretty obedient…when “I know that I know” … but that is sort of the trouble with it all…I really don’t know what is expected.
      I forgive…done.
      but it’s not just about me…..I have to take into account how I would put everyone back into the line of fire….the other persons heart hasn’t changed….so at what point is my forgiveness…a take it and leave it kind of a thing?
      I can’t just let everyone be repeatedly hurt.
      T

      • September 5, 2011 10:28 am

        true. and I am not saying that the solution is to line up your family for the firing squad to take aim. But whatever it is…it will be Best because its from God. Do you believe in miracles? do you pray for salvation? true salvation? true repentance? “I believe in evolution, changing of the heart, renewing of the mind…it’s the only possible solution”….thank you Geoff Moore and the Distance!
        The prayers of a righteous (wo)man avail much-

      • September 5, 2011 11:04 am

        sheesh where would be without cheesy music from the 80’s?
        our morals would be so lax!
        Wish I was brave like you!
        T

  2. September 5, 2011 9:09 am

    Again…gifted post. Oh forgiveness…the kind when the relationship is too close to escape…the kind when the other seem clueless…even justified in their behavior…the 70×7. I am struggling with this very thing…amidst all the joy of the weddings…we have a black line…one that brings pain…especially to my oldest daughter. I read col.3:12-14 in the wedding…God in His Love brought that to mind…as my mind wanted to race toward unforgiveness…find old bitterness…taking up an offense for my daughter.
    I have no formula to give…alls I know is…as I wrestle…fight to give all to God…as I pass through another narrowing…I will leave more of myself behind…find greater freedom in Christ…in my heart…I will love better…and I will move closer to being able to find…All is Grace….
    I will pray for you as I pray for myself…two sisters…finding greater freedom in Christ.

    • September 5, 2011 11:06 am

      Hey I will pray for you too!
      I guess maybe we should go with our gut…Throwing up our hands and just saying “ugh”
      I just want authenticity….and to be doing the right thing…and to be showing my family a good example… and for my children to know that I always have their back…especially since some of their little hearts know that , in life, you aren’t always protected.
      ugh!
      T

  3. September 5, 2011 11:50 am

    Such a beautiful post on so many levels. I learned something new (about the black sand–how interesting). And I can sympathize with much of what you say here about forgiveness. The sand makes a beautiful metaphor and your photos are just lovely (I love those chubby hands holding that heart of sand). Thank you for sharing this with me today.

    • September 5, 2011 12:59 pm

      thank you for your words of encouragement.
      you made me smile for a for reasons this morning!
      T

  4. September 5, 2011 12:19 pm

    Such beauty in this vulnerable, seeking the way post.There does not appear to be a guarantee when we forgive that things will be all better right away or even soon. And the forgiving . . . that too is a process. Praying you find God’s grace and peace as you walk through this place.

    • September 5, 2011 1:00 pm

      Thank you .
      your words ..your time…I am thankful for the truth of it all!
      T

  5. September 5, 2011 1:23 pm

    What a truth-full post. I appreciate this so much. I have a funny sister who would say “don’t let them rent space in your head for free.” =) But, the reality is like you said, another dark line in your heart… followed by forgiveness… which is good.

    My main thought throughout this… I couldn’t help but wonder if He couldn’t be your magnet, drawing out the hurt and softening that dark line until such a time that He would allow you to know what you know and follow His lead. There’s nothing wrong with not being able to give any more right now… it’s all in his timing.

    • September 5, 2011 1:26 pm

      “There’s nothing wrong with not being able to give any more right now… it’s all in his timing.”

      Brings a sigh to my heart and tears to my eyes! Thank you! I am so goal oriented and I feel like things need to be cleaned up tidy sooner then later…. but there was so much peace for me in your statement.
      Thank you!
      T

  6. September 5, 2011 1:37 pm

    New visitor! Agree with Patricia. Lay your troubles at His feet and allow Him to decide what else, if anything, you need to do. Only the Lord can change a person’s heart. As much as we wish to change another, I don’t believe it is “humanly possible”. I’m still learning how to forgive – and heal from my own deep, thick black lines – so you’re a giant leap ahead of me! Praying that you gain peace and God brings you comfort.

    • September 5, 2011 1:46 pm

      well in retrospect…the forgiveness seems easy…”fine be freed…your forgiven, I have things to do anyway!!”
      its this work afterward that is the problem..the when forgiveness isn’t enough problem.
      Welcome and thanks for stopping by! I love your words!
      T

  7. September 5, 2011 2:49 pm

    I love those pictures – so beautiful!

  8. September 5, 2011 3:24 pm

    I don’t know how I got here —- blog hopping and saw your name somewhere. But I’m so glad I found you!!!!! Just recently, I went through this exact same thing, spent a day at the beach, my feet in the sand, and thinking the same thoughts. I wanted my situation to fit into my well defined lines in the sand, but this was all new, vague, and without definite principles and rules. I like stuff spelled out, black and white, lines in the road, barricades you don’t cross, and there were none of these. I felt your heart today, and I can only tell you this: The only constants we have are the “rule book” HE has given you, and the promise from Hosea 6:3 — And we shall know, if we follow on to know the Lord. Jeremiah 6:16 tells us about the old, proven paths, the ancient ways. Stay in the ruts of those, my friend, and you will find rest for your soul!!!!

    • September 5, 2011 5:19 pm

      Wow… thanks for your time and encouragement!
      I don’t know how you got here either, lol..
      but I hope you come back!
      T

  9. Dr. Dre permalink
    September 5, 2011 3:36 pm

    i have a lot to learn from you as well – especially about entering a new family. sometimes i forget that’s what’s going on.
    I know everything is going to be ok. the waiting is the hard part. ill be praying for you.
    thanks so much for a great weekend! i have so much fun with you and your family.
    love!

    • September 5, 2011 5:19 pm

      Awwww. Miss you already! Thanks for being the ship of happiness this weekend!
      T

  10. September 5, 2011 8:31 pm

    (I also used this reply to your comment on my blog. Wanted to post here, too…)

    So glad you visited, Tee…
    As far as tweeting, I simply eased in at first. I would tweet when I would post a blog and that was just about it. From there, I began reading the timeline. I would make note of how people responded, what they tweeted, how they re-tweeted, what they re-tweeted, etc… As I became better versed in the lingo, I then began to send out a tweet or two a day. Each tweet may have been a scripture verse, but it was something. Then, little by little, I would reply to other tweets and re-tweet to begin building relationships. I’m still not as fast on my phone as I am on my computer, but that’s coming. My advice, just don’t give up.
    Hope this helps…
    Have a blessed week…

  11. September 6, 2011 8:49 pm

    T,
    I think I can relate to what you are saying. We forgave too, but that isn’t enough, or real, it’s our peace and our happiness that is their idea of reparation.
    Forgiveness is wonderful, because it frees us. We don’t have to carry the problem around anymore. What is hard is deciding to not be in relationship anymore – it is unhealthy for both parties, it eats your lunch, rents space in your head, on and on.
    Declining relationship seems unloving, but pleasing God and guarding your heart is necessary.

    • September 6, 2011 9:09 pm

      ya know… I just had someone tell me today that one of the most frequent things Jesus told people in the Bible was “to guard your heart”
      and now you are saying it.
      makes me think.
      T

  12. September 8, 2011 12:31 pm

    This is beautiful. And tugs at my heart. These are questions without easy answers. I read back through your links to try to see the whole story…so often these things go on and on. My sister and I didn’t speak for a year or two at one point. We’re beyond it now, we’ve forgiven and moved on, but it’s always there in the history. We (human beings) are a product of our influences and experiences, and that is as it should be. Otherwise what use are those black-line times?

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